Frequently Arsed Questions

1. Who are you?
I’m a 30 something rebellious but FUNKY COOL DUDE with a fetish for all things retro. My super powers include being able to blow air out of my tear ducts and being able to seduce post-menopausal women. My influences are the A-team and King Monkey, Great Sage Equal of Heaven. I travel not only to broaden my horizons, but also to piss off friends by constantly starting all sentences with “When I was in…”
I love bubble wrap and furry animals, and well choreographed martial arts movies. I hate smokers, and people who don’t swing their arms when they walk. Things that scare me so much that I often pass urine when I think about them include ghosts, grasshoppers and Zygons (from Dr Who).
2. What is a browneye?
As near as I can work out, a “browneye” is an Australian/British colloquial term relating to the colour of one’s anus and it’s similarity to an eye. “To chuck a browneye” refers to bending over and spreading one’s cheeks to show the brown coloured sphincter. Over the years, the term has evolved to encompass all acts of showing your butt cheeks with or without sphincter display. To “moon” is another similar term, but refers more to the showing of one’s cheeks as opposed to showing sphincter. It is also a very Americanised college wank term and hence not as COOL as browneye. I actually prefer not to show sphincter in my pictures as my haemorrhoids have not been banded yet.
3. Why do you browneye famous sites?
I have been blessed with this great talent and if I do not do this, then there will come men who will use this power for evil… besides have you ever looked at other people’s holiday snaps… at least mine are PISS funny and I can giggle myself to death over them.
4. Have you ever gotten into trouble doing this?
Sort of… an old guy tried to kick the snot out of me in Ecuador at the equator monument, but most people just find this shit funny.
5. Do people take offence at what you do?
See the above answer.
6. How did this all start?
See this link.
7. What is your favourite place?
Antarctica of course.
8. Do you have to train to do this?
To chuck a browneye is easy and other than the possibility of low back injury to the lumbosacral spine, very little training is required to perform a browneye without injury. However, to be fast enough to capture a browneye on film in the middle of a crowd requires much training. The main obstacle is known as the Pant-Arse-Eye-Finger (PAEF) co-efficient. This refers to the time delay experienced from the moment the pants are dropped to the time the shutter is pressed.
9. Do you offer tutorials on how to chuck a browneye?
Does a foreskin collect cheese? You betcha…!!! Just follow these links…
10. How can you afford to go to so many places?
My mild mannered alter ego makes a shit load of money in a highly paid professional job with secret government agencies… which of course would be at stake if I revealed my true identity on this site. I also sell furry animals into prostitution.
11. Who is your photographer?
My hot chicky babe girlfriend… Ha… bet you thought I was some geeky nerd who masturbates too much… well you’re right, but browneyeing has enabled me to get a hot chicky babita… so suck on that!!!
12. Who or what are your influences?
William Katt in the Greatest American Hero, Godzilla, and anyone who can time travel.
13. Are you immature?
No, but a friend of mine who once farted in a jar and managed to keep the smell for over 6 months, might be.
14. Are there any places that you wouldn’t browneye?
There is actually no place that cannot be browneyed although the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem and Mecca would be places I probably wouldn’t do for fear of my safety.
15. Is there any place that you meant to browneye but never did?
I went to Nicaragua but forgot to browneye. I also chickened out of browneyeing the murals in Belfast as we were being watched, and I really wish I had done the World Trade Centre in New York. I wish I had done more in Antarctica too as the scenery was amazing.
16. How do I get into browneyeing?
You drop your pants and take a picture of it …you stupid lamearsed TOSSER…
17. Can I send you my photos of me browneyeing?
What…!!!!??? Are you fucking crazy??!!! Why would I want to see your arse…!!!??? Piss off you sick wanker!!!!
18. Are you worried about being arrested?
Yeah… although the authorities often leave me alone as they know that if they make a martyr of me, then it would encourage more people to drop their pants and chaos will ensue.
19. Is it legal to browneye?
I don’t know… what do I look like… a lawyer??? I’m an arsehole… not a fuckstick lawyer!!! Arseholes and lawyers are SAME SAME BUT DIFFERENT!
20. Are you worried about showing your testicles or anus by accident?
These are the risks that I take… but believe me…. if you see my nads or date in my pictures, then they certainly aren’t there by accident. I also happen to be an expert at the “Fly’s Eyes” which is when you pull both testicles between your legs and clench your legs together so that from behind, all you see are the 2 testicles which resembles a fly’s eyes of course.
21. Have you ever been hurt doing a browneye?
No but I have a L5/S1 disc prolapse on my left side of my lumbar spine due to poor back flexibility and abdominal stabiliser weakness which I have to be careful about.
22. Is it true that Browneyeing saved your life?
Yes. I once noted a mole on one of the photos which I would not have been able to see myself. Fortunately, it was removed before it turned nasty.
23. What is the hardest browneye that you have done?
Wat Po (the reclining Buddha) in Bangkok. Everyone who has been there knows that there is only one good photo from the feet of the reclining buddha and every Buddhist and his Karma is down there trying to take a picture. The first time I did it, I missed the shot and had to go back and do it again. On the wheel of life, having to do it twice has now likely ruined my karma and I will be reincarnated as a fat person’s armpit.
24. Can girls browneye?
Heck yeah… If you have a sphincter, then you can pucker it at me BABY!!! No fat chicks though….
25. How do you chose where you browneye?
If it’s famous then I’ll do it, but also I have a passion for archaeology so a lot of places have archaeological significance.
26. What equipment do you use?
Minolta 404si Dynax SLR, Olympus C-5060 wide angle digital camera. Wide angle lens 27mm-70mm. Adobe Photoshop 7.0.
27. Should I browneye if I have a haemorrhoid?
If you’re fat, then it doesn’t matter. If not then just make sure it is not bleeding otherwise you will need extra red eye reduction.
28. Should I go the whole way on my first time?
Are you talking about anal sex?
29. Are you single?
…What???!!! …Are you keen to meet me? …COOL… although… I kind of like my girlfriend as she is hot and takes really good pictures of my butt, so it will have to be for secretive casual sex only… Goth chicks, Rock chicks, Kinky chicks and non-butch lesbians should definitely try and get in contact… No fat chicks, stalkers or smokers please… and definitely no girls who don’t swing their arms when they walk… even if you are good looking…
30. Can I sponsor you?
No! I don't need your fucking money or your pity cause I'm an artiste and I don't want to taint my artistic integrity by pissant capitalists like you...

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